How much?

"Tell us, if there were one thing we could do for your village, what would that be?"

"With all respect, Sahib, you have little to teach us in strength and toughness. And we don't envy you your restless spirits. Perhaps we are happier than you? But we would like our children to go to school. Of all the things you have, learning is the one we most desire for our children."

- Conversation between Sir Edmund Hillary and Urkien Sherpa, from Schoolhouse in the Clouds

(Three Cups of Tea)

Have it all figured out yet? Or are you still learning?

Oh the gift of learning, how we take it for granted at times...

While I was away, I missed out on my niece and nephew's, notorious question stage. You know the one, where every sentence ends with "why?" and you begin to believe there is no way to make it stop. It feels as though someone recorded this one word and then jammed the repeat button.

Soon that stage passes and relief comes only to be followed by the "nothing" stage, which I am pretty positive some of us never grow out of.

What did you learn today?..."nothing." What did you do today?..."nothing." And I think to myself, really? So you really did nothing today? You learned nothing today? How sad.

I know that this is not true. But for some of us adults, we do choose to go through each day, our same old routine, not open to new thoughts and ideas, not willing to learn and challenge ourselves. And that is sad.

When we stop learning, challenging ourselves, embracing new experiences, asking real questions, searching to understand Truth, we miss out on so much, we miss out on the depth GOD wants to take us. We miss out on Life.

"Are we willing to let GOD explode our comfort zone and expand our capacity for him? Or do we want a GOD we can manage? Unfortunately, a lot of the time that is exactly what we want - enough of GOD to make us happy, but not enough to make us change. We'd never say it, but our attitude is just what Wilbur Rees had in mind when he wrote: I would like to buy $3 worth of GOD, please, not enough to explode my soul or disturb my sleep, but just enough to equal a cup of warm milk or a snooze in the sunshine..."

(Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World)

How much do you want? How much do you choose to take? How much do you choose to give?

To Whom Do You Answer?

Lately, I've found myself faced with several decisions or situations that challenge my integrity. Some of these situations can be easily overlooked, considered "no big deal", or might even seem to be a norm in society. But I believe those are the ones that challenge us the most.

I've been studying Proverbs. Two passages caught my attention in their similarities, yet they are vastly different.

Proverbs 8:1-6 - Does not wisdom call out? Does not understanding raise her voice? On the heights along the way, where the paths meet, she takes her stand; beside the gates leading into the city all the entrances, she cries aloud; To you, O men, I call out; I raise my voice to all mankind. You who are simple, gain prudence; you who are foolish, gain understanding. Listen, for I have worthy things to say.

and the the chapter continues explaining wisdom.

Then I come to Proverbs 9:11-18 - The woman Folly is loud; She is undisciplined and without knowledge. She sits at the door of her house on the seat at the highest point of the city, calling out to those who pass by, who go straight on their way. "Let all who are simple come in here!" she says to those who lack judgement. "Stolen water is sweet; food eaten in secret is delicious!" But little do they know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of the grave.

You see, both call out! Both offer you something. Even folly can imitate "good" or a "shortcut" that can be justified. But to whom do you answer?

It is easy to take a seat with Folly, to get that "deserved" rest, or drink of stolen water for that is what you are "owed" in an unfair world, or even eat the secret food that you are able to get away with or maybe you just think to yourself, "I'm a good person in the long run...I can think of much worse things others have done..."

Does it really matter in the scheme of things?

Maybe some things we can get away with. Maybe some of these situations won't greatly affect the world. But your character is affected. Integrity is overrided by duplicity.

Proverbs 11:3 - The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.

I've really been learning what it means to develop the characteristics of Christ, for He is in us. I'm definitely not perfect nor do I always make the right decisions, but I'm choosing to be aware of my actions, my thoughts, my decisions and the way they display the characteristics of Christ. What am I reflecting?

Wisdom calls out...Folly is loud...To whom do I answer? To whom do you answer?

One of Those Moments #3...

It is officially fall and I can't resist being outside. As I

approached an older couple on a walk, this is what I observed. This is what I appreciated.

They walked slowly, no rush, arm in arm, taking there time to look around. Light conversation took place between them as they glanced and smiled at each other. Every few steps, he lightly patted her hand, almost seemed to indicate..."I'm here with you."

They approached a busy intersection and she hesitated. He stepped out, looked both ways, and when it was clear, stretched his hand out inviting hers to join his so that he may lead her. As she took his had, he squeezed it tight and led her across the street safely until they reached the other side where they rejoined their arms.

I turned down another street, remembering the sincerity of this moment.

He still leads and protects her, and she still trusts. They Love.

I've Got My Stone...

and I'm not backing down.

I remember the week George R. came to share with us, to teach us, and to challenge us in our dreams and plans. He made us think. He guided us. He questioned us to see if we would back down. Some felt it was an intense week, others felt ready. Either way, it was great preparation.

For now I'm home, still carrying out the plans laid out, still pressing on, still very much passionate about that dream in my heart which will be reality, and yet still living in the present. But, lately I've faced some challenges. In a particular area of my life, I've felt as though I have been asked to jump through certain hoops, put through one test after another. And it continues...

I'll admit, I struggled a bit with the pressure and frustration of it all. But as I ran today, I began to really take my thoughts captive. I know this is part of the path, and how could I consider turning away because it gets a little challenging?

I saw the stone in my hand.

When David faced his giant, he used one stone. So what is my stone?

HIS purpose for my life.

I saw the preparation GOD provided as last night I had the amazing opportunity to share of my experience at the G42 Leadership Academy, to share my passions and dreams, to share my heart with some great women.

I've got my stone. I have purpose. And I declare now that I will not back down. I declare that I will give my all without complaining. I declare now that I will persevere with appreciation and gratitude for the great things around me, in me, and through this experience.

I've got my stone...what is yours?

Who We Are

It's been one of those weeks...one of those weeks where everything hits you, doubt can sink in, and there are moments where you just battle with the reality of where you are. Hope and faith exist and remain, but must be held tightly for it would be easy to let go.

And there she was. My sister, who even through her own pressures of life and family, looked beyond herself to an awareness of me, reaching out to me with such encouragement which has always been evident in who she is. She provided such uplifting words, challenged me and held me accountable, and made time to sit and listen to me, to understand.

I heard her words, which were what I needed to hear, but mostly it was what was in her presence that kept me grounded in the truth I know, the acceptance I have, and the person I am. It was the hope that was coming off of her. It was the peace the was overflowing from her. It was the love which she freely gives that was coming through her. It was just simply her.

And I found this to be true even with friends who are miles away from me. Friends who provided specific words for me this week, shared them willingly, who were aware of what they needed to speak, and what I needed to hear.

I was so appreciative of such love that I reflected on the question Andrew Shearman would ask us, "What is coming off of you?" and

I ask, "What is coming through you?", because it is the core of who we are that is to be seen, to be given, to be shared...for Christ is in us.

Sometimes we let fear hold us back from this awareness of others, reaching out to others, trusting the Spirit to guide us. We try to think of something wise and profound to say or we keep silent. We don't have a plan of action to help someone, so we do nothing. When most of the time, what is needed is simply...WHO WE ARE.

One of Those Moments #2...

Needing some time to clear my head, to sort out some thoughts, to just be, I went for a walk around the river walk. With our fall like temperatures lately, it was a beautiful day to do this and was greatly needed. I found myself a somewhat secluded area to just rest, think, and listen.

And there he was.

I looked to my left to see an older gentleman possibly in his late 80's sitting on a bench just watching the water. In his lap laid a notebook just waiting to be used. I watched him for a bit as he was similar to that notebook as he too was just waiting for something...maybe for someone particular, maybe just someone to talk to, or maybe he too just needed some time away to think, to be.

And then he came.

This younger gentleman approached the bench, yet sat on the very opposite side of the bench as far from the older man as possible. His music heard loudly through his headphones that even I could make out the song and at the same time he was texting someone on his cell phone. He sat there for a minute or two oblivious to those around him until the old man shifted causing the bench to shake a bit. The young man looked up at the older gentleman and they both smiled. He took off his headphones and put his cell phone away. And they sat there quietly.

The old man then began conversation with an introduction and pleasant greeting in which the young man replied with niceties and so the conversation continued. Before I knew it, they had moved closer together and they were laughing and having an interesting debate on the best way to make paper airplanes. With the young man contributing his knowledge on the advances of science, the older gentleman sharing his wisdom and firmness of the true and steady classics, and the papers of the notebook being ripped out and used one by one to prove one another's point, it seems that a simple interaction as this, can turn any day around. Even just by my observance of it, did I remember the way can choose to live...by seeing the one right next to us!

Dispersed but not Disabled

(The thoughts expressed are specifically addressed to my G42 community, but I hope it challenges others who read it as well.)

Change, as we know, is inevitable. And yet, it still surprises us when it happens. It can stir up doubt, fear, concern, and seem to hinder us if we allow. I sit here thinking about the conversations I have had with my community from Spain. It has been such a joy to me to be able to skype, email, text, and call those who I grew close with during the past 6 months. Those whose friendships challenged and encouraged me...

and continue to, though we may be miles away from each other.

Each relationship is different and each person is facing their own challenges and their own accomplishments and steps forward as they continue living out their dreams, passions, Lives. Each one unique as we are all unique.

But the truth is, struggles do exist. Why is it that location and physical distance tend to turn us upside down for some time, tend to stir up confusion? We know it isn't where we are that defines us. It isn't who is right next to us that tells us who we are. Have we lost our voice because we are now in a new area, or location? In fact, this is when we should be speaking. Now. Among our friends and family, where ever we are, who ever we are with. Does GOD still choose to use us though we may not be physically together? Absolutely, for it is you HE chooses. It is you. Just as it is me.

We may be dispersed around the world, but we are not disabled. For we are still a community. There is support. There is friendship. There is Life...and Love. And it isn't because we all live within walking distance of each other (though I must admit, was quite wonderful), but because we are living the lives we are called to live. As I continue to reflect on this, I can't stop being reminded of the freedom that is abundant in Love. Love that draws us together, but allows us to grow, to be, to Live.

I learn more about this as I travel between homes throughout the week. Where I am is where I am to be. And I will speak what I am to speak; I will encourage where I am to encourage; I will challenge where I am to challenge, and I will be me, confident in the Love of God and the Love of community.

As we are dispersed around the world, let us Live in this confidence. For we are not disabled, but empowered.

One of Those Moments #1...

photo of Amos and Tyler provided by Jackie

I don't know how long it went on, because that's not what matters. But there they were, having a great time no where else but on the living room floor. Amos was just taking time to play with Tyler, his son. The room was filled with one the greatest giggles I have ever heard. They had a great time together, just laughing. I know Tyler won't remember every single moment in his life. But I have no doubt that he will always know how important he is to his father who spends time with him, who Loves him. And I know he will remember how good it feels to just laugh!

They choose to Live and Love NOW.

Tomorrow is Never Now.

photo of Frye family provided by Jackie

Sometime in my life it got easy to say, "I'll get to it tomorrow". Tomorrow no longer seemed to represent a time in the future, but became a part of my present. It all kind of got mushed together. Maybe it was a way to encourage my laziness, my lack of priorities, but either way, there was always tomorrow...and things kept getting pushed into and lost in "tomorrow".

Though this definitely isn't quite the challenge it used to be, there are times here and there where I can find myself thinking I can start that tomorrow. And so I remind myself that tomorrow is and will never be now. And I ask myself, am I living now or in the idea of "tomorrow"?

With that, I will be sharing a series of posts intermingled throughout the rest of my thoughts, entitled "One of Those Moments..." Stories, Images, people taking the opportunity to experience, Live, Love...NOW.

Am I Available?

I ordered a book the other day. To keep it cheap, I of course ordered it used from a website that I have trusted before. When it arrived, it appeared to be the book that I purchased, but when I opened it, it was much more.

You see, it had writings and questions from the previous owner filling up several of the pages. Statements and thoughts were underlined because they struck the heart of this woman. Her deepest thoughts and questions revealed and yet I don't know her.

As I continued reading, asking questions, and evaluating my own heart, I came to a section where she was honest with where her heart was. She was being honest with her perception of love.

Her entry (07.31.09) - Love: It's been "convenient" and conditionally expressed. It's been limited by what's comfortable by me and/or the other. I don't know how to give or know how to receive love any other way. How can I truly give and receive Love?

I don't know what conclusions she came to or what she decided, but this honest truth from a complete stranger really got me thinking about "availability".

Love requires availability.

Whether it be being available to the guidance of the Spirit, praising GOD for HIS goodness, to sitting with a spouse as he/she explains their day, answering one of the many questions children have, cooking a meal for a family, listening to a friend, getting that cup of coffee for someone who you know would like to have one, speaking that word of encouragement, to helping the woman down the street you see struggling to carry her bags, etc... am I available? are you available? How easy we can crowd our days with tasks and our own agendas that we miss the person right next to us.

I want my life to be a life of service and Love. I am available.

When Home Becomes a New Community

I left for a year and a half on a journey of experiences, of challenges, of meeting new people, of venturing to new places, of opening up to new thoughts, of breaking down walls, of building strong foundations, of vulnerability, of strength, of relationship. And my journey continues at home for a bit.

You see when I left, I left a place that was familiar and now have returned to a place that is different and new. I haven't and can't come back to a place that was, but have come to a place that is. Those here may not see the changes that have occurred over the years, the changes around them, or even the changes in themselves, but there is a difference.

And so I find myself facing this new community who too, is learning to embrace who I am. Like any other place, home too holds such joy and such challenges. To see the growth that has taken place in the heart of my family and friends is breathtaking. And yet, to know that time once again is needed to get acquainted with each other is challenging. And so I choose to use this time to invest in them, to invest in all those around me.

I remain in contact with my previous communities and embrace my new community. With each coffee time, dinner, get together, concert, ball game, lake party, bonfire, road trip, and just evenings together...we grow closer, we encourage and challenge one another, and our relationships grow deeper.

I'm home.

Go and Do It.

Nathan told David, "Whatever is on your heart, go and do it; God is with you."
~1 Chronicles 17:2,

"Go and do it."

I look back at the times that I hesitated, waiting on GOD to move me, to make it clear. I remember the times I doubted. I questioned. I waited. Did I really grasp that Christ is in me? Did I understand what that really meant?

And now, I realize, I understand, that when my heart is right, focused on HIM, then the passions and desires that are in my heart are of HIM and HE doesn't say, "wait", but leads me to go and do it, for HE is with me.

When once I was inhibited by my past, by fears, by challenges I felt were too big to accomplish, by any excuse why something wouldn't work out, I now am filled with the HOPE of what can be, what will be.

Are there still challenges? Of course. And honestly, some are bigger than I imagined. But I don't doubt that I am to continue pressing forward, living without excuses, trusting that as I continue on, no matter what, I will not be deterred for when my heart is in the right place, I am living as I was created to live. I am to go and do it. I will go and do it.

I have been absolutely blessed to have been taught, challenged, loved, and supported by leadership, by family, that lives this way, daily. There isn't the continuous doubt, "Is this the will of GOD?", because they grasp and live out the understanding that we are the will of GOD.

In one week I return home. Yet, I am not going home to wait or put off what I know I am to do. But I am going home to continue living, loving, serving, discipling, preparing... for this lifestyle is and will be foundational for future generations.

Go and DO IT!

It's Personal!

"Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal."
-You've Got Mail

I know we all have heard the phrase, "It's not personal". I definitely have experienced times where we have tried to remove the personal aspects from interaction with each other whether in business environments, social scenes, or just the day to day activities.

I saw a five year old street boy the other day. He walked down the street, weaving between people, who didn't even give him a glance... "It wasn't personal." In other words, it was nothing against him, it is just the way it is, it has become the norm.

And I begin to wonder, what is wrong with being personal? I thought about how it all begins with being personal. It IS personal. I can go through life, getting an education, working, going to church, starting a family, etc. All great moments and all great things, but am I giving the best of me, or seeing the best in others around me. Is it personal? I can learn the greatest thoughts and ideas from others. I can hear theories. I can observe and appreciate the actions of others or the way they live. But where does it go from there?

You see, life is personal, relationships are personal, and my faith is personal.

I remember that moment when it hit me, completely, that GOD truly knows me. HE sees me. HE Loves me. And continues to desire to be with me, to reveal Truth to me, to bless me. It IS personal! And it is the same for you. It is the same for all of us. It IS personal. and from there the way we live is personal.

We see people; We give; We Love; We Live...Let's make this the norm!

It's Personal!

Pass-i-on

There are so many words I could use. There are many words spoken. Yet, I can't figure out specifically how to word my thoughts. I could spend this time listing out how I have grown and what I have learned here at G42. But it can't be contained in words. It is me. It is my heart. It is Life.

Simply put there is PASSION.

Like other words we are quick to generalize this term. But I see the depth in the word. To be so overwhelmed, filled, bursting with joy, desire, purpose that it can't be contained. To understand and grasp the joy of being Loved that it overflows from you, where you are not deterred no matter the challenges. It isn't something that can be contained, but must be released, shared with others, covering others, serving others, loving others. It is Life.

And in that moment when action takes place, when it bursts out of you in genuine gratefulness, does passion move from just being another word thrown around here and there, or something we hope to get someday.... but it transitions to reality, action, Truth. It becomes who you are!!!


You are a man of passion. And it is a passion that is contagious, encouraging, hopeful. You are a man of possibilities and opportunities, not challenges. You are a man of Love and Grace, not judgement or pride. You are a man who must act to express the passion running through you. To give of yourself generously to others without expectation. You are a man who is true to your word because you are more than words, but a man of action. You don't wait to serve others, to speak words of encouragement, to listen, to Love, because it is impossible to contain.

You are a man who can say, I
PASS what I have ON others.
PASS who I am ON others.
PASS the life I live ON others.
PASS-I-ON
Speak. Dance. Laugh. Serve. Give. Love. And may your passion rub off on all those around you.

How Long Will the Cycle Continue?

Children roam the streets near the port. A bench, a street curb, a small hideaway on the sidewalk is their home. Their childhood playtime, their young and passionate dreams, and their freedom are replaced with begging; They are replaced with drugs; They are even replaced with attempt after attempt of escaping to a nearby country.

It is common to see young hands stretched out. Yet, it is not to take the hand of his mother or father, but rather to ask for any spare change you may have. The sound of children's voices is not always the sound of friends bonding over laughter and the sharing of future ambitions, but rather a discussion on where they will sleep that night.

These children are losing hope. They are losing hope in society, in their country, and in themselves. Many are looking for ways to improve their lives. Yet, many feel the way to accomplish that is to escape to a nearby country. This is referred to as “burns” and will be attempted as many times as it takes to be successful. The cost to be smuggled by sea is 1,000 euros. Begging, gambling, stealing, are the means to acquire the payment, which is assumed will lead to a better life and is rationalized by survival. But even the dream of freedom in another country is quickly shattered with abuse from police, inadequate child protection services, or immediate deportation.

And the cycle continues...

I've absolutely had enough. Children continually trying to find refuge, life, in the streets. I can't help but think of my niece Grace, and my nephew Tyler praising GOD they are in a loving home, cared for, nurtured, and encouraged in absolute Love. And I desire to be a refuge for those in need of just that. That they will no longer be lost, but be seen. This vision will take investment, time, and the building of many relationships, but it will happen.

The cycle will be broken, and their dreams, their hope, their identity be restored.

Begin to See.

Oh if I could just meet with each one of you to share my heart, the vision I have to serve, disciple, care for street children, how I would love to share this with you. Though that one on one, face to face contact is not possible at this moment, I will continue figuring out how to express this vision with the means that I have... And greatly look forward to the time we will have when I return to share my heart with you.

I have much to write you, but I do not want to do so with pen and ink. I hope to see you soon, and we will talk face to face... ~ 3 John 13-14

As this vision develops, my heart comes alive, not to just become aware, but to do something.

So I share this brief video I created with you. It is a quick glimpse into my heart, but how there is so much more... for there is a plan as I am directed by GOD. Action will take place. Action is taking place. And I will describe more soon. Until then, begin to see the need...

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget he is someone today. ~Stacia Tauscher

Promises in the Rain

We stood in the street. Rain falling down.

Previously, I wondered what was bringing me to Fuengirola today. I had hoped to go to the beach, but cold weather, gray skies, and a steady rain made that walk a little less than pleasant. Still I went. I wondered if I should take my ipod and have music at least entertain me as I ventured out today. But I knew I couldn't bring that distraction. So I made the journey alone.

And then there I was. I was standing in the rain with my friend.

Would I have seen him if the sun was out and I was with a group of friends out on the beach? I would like to think so. Would I have heard him if my favorite song was loudly playing on my ipod as I danced around the streets? I would like to think so. But the truth is, he was why I was there.

We exchanged greetings and pleasantries, commenting on the weather and how well his companion, his dog was. I began to hear about his past and the journey that has led him to life on the streets. He shared a bit of his story. I shared a bit of mine. And soon we got on the topic of promises. There we were, sharing with one another what it meant to make promises and what it feels like when we break promises. At that moment several questions began to fill my mind. I wondered if he trusted me. I wondered how many times broken promises filled our minds with doubt. I wondered how many times I begin to question promises I know are true when the rain begins to fall, when challenges arise.

Just as we stood in the rain throughout our conversation, knowing that we would survive, I continue to stand confidently in the promises I know are true, no matter what challenges come my way.

So I say...let the rain fall.

A Fresh Start

Starting over.

I needed to clear out all the past ramblings that covered this page, to start new, to start fresh, exposing the depth of who I am and what GOD is doing here in Mijas, Spain. I am not satisfied with the general surface subjects, quick stories, random pictures, but must share my heart where there is something real, and true to speak. I don't want to speak what you want to hear, but speak what you need to hear, and what I need to share. And so here I am.

I am not here to coast through, to waste this time, to go through the movements. It isn't just a season of my life. THIS IS LIFE. So I choose to invest in others as scary as that can be. I choose to stop waiting to follow, but to step up and lead. I choose to stop waiting for things to happen, but make things happen. My trust grows. My heart exposed. My dreams explode. And as I take each step I begin to discover a deeper Love. Fears fade. Excuses disperse. and I choose to be, to move, to serve, to love in the midst of it all.

Mijas, has quickly become more than just a location, but home. It is more than the lectures and discussions that teach me about relationships, about teams, about making a plan. It is more than the community in which I live, where I can ask honest questions, where we share visions, where if we chose, we can get to the heart of each other. It is more than the "ministries" I am a part of, the soup kitchen, that continues to give me a stronger heart for those on the street, that teaches me about servanthood, and to allow GOD to bring an understanding between me and those I listen to. It is more than the chapel on the side of the hill where I hike to, to release and to intercede. It is home. It is life. It is the heartbeat of it all together that is...simply put...LIFE.